I used to battle depression and bipolar disorder when I was younger. I cut myself from 5th grade to 20 years old and I've been admitted to the hospital for suicide watch and a suicide attempt.
I thought I was getting better handling everything. I'd still get sad, but I could cope without anyone knowing and without self harm.
I'm 5 months pregnant and my hormones are going crazy. there are days I will lay in bed for hours just sobbing. I don't start crying over anything in particular, but once I start crying I think of everything I've ever had to cry about and it just gets overwhelming.
my boyfriend, the father of my child, has dealt with depression as well, so you'd think he'd be more understanding. I'll tell him I'm having a bad day emotionally, and he literally just tells me to snap out of it, eveything is fine. and I don't say another word, because I can sense how disinterested he is about it.
I can't control when I get sad nowadays. it's often when I'm alone. I feel this ball of warm energy roaring inside of me and I get angry or sad and want to hurt myself. I'm not going to hurt myself, because I love my baby too much. but the desire to is still very painful and sad.
yesterday I freaked out on my boyfriend because he had a friend of a friend's girlfriend's party to go to at a bowling alley. I ask him not to drink because I'm going to be the only one who knows nobody, the only one not drinking, and the only one not bowling. he gets very in-your-face and overbearing when he drinks, and I'd be far from his level of thinking it's appropriate since I can't drink. I have social anxiety. I just wanted a person to hang out with . idk. he refused like usual, and when I got that energy ball in my gut I got so sad about it. it just made me feel betrayed. he wanted me to go out with his friends, why couldnt he have made me feel more comfortable? why am I not important enough to sacrifice one day of drinking? he drinks at least 4 nights a week anyways. I was hurt and he called me insane and turned off his phone til noon today.
hormones are making me irrationally sad and sensitive. i took him not being helpful to me personally. i have to change my whole lifr for this baby starting at conception, and he cant bowl sober to makr sure im having fun for one night? he is just telling me I need mental help and I disgust him. I don't need mental help, I need support.
or do I need mental help? my hormones are crazy, I can feel the change in my bones. I cry to myself, by myself, most of the time but sometimes it comes out in the open. I just don't know what to do.
I feel like he should be there for me, and supportive. am I asking too much? what would you do if you were him, or if you were me?