Hello yagalada: I'm so sorry you are having so much difficulty. One thing that occurs to me is that, perhaps, the depression you're experiencing may be, if not caused by, then significantly exacerbated by, the medications you're taking to control your seizure activity. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're doing everything right. But, for some reason, it's not working. If, in fact, it is the medications that are causing you such misery, then even though you try to do everything right, it's not going to correct the problem. Kudos to you, though, for trying your best in the face of extremely difficult circumstances! You could possibly be beating yourself up for something that you really have no control over. It may at least be worth considering this as a possibility & discussing it with your physician(s). My best wishes to you...