Hello Patty --

I empathize. I was deeply injured in 2003; it was 2005 before I stopped walking around shell-shocked, feeling detached from reality and as if I was inhabiting a nightmare.

I am a few years older than you, and I, too, doubt that another relationship is possible. I find that troubling. However, when I attempt to fantasize what I would want in a new lover, I find it impossible to imagine that future.

I agree that eduation is a great self-esteem builder. So is volunteerism, arts and crafts, athletics, and anything that allows us to get out and focus on some aspect of self-development other than building a relationship with another person.

In my younger years, yes, I sought out new lovers as a quick fix. But I'm just not that attractive anymore and the drugs-sex-rock-n-roll lifestyle of the 1970s doesn't fit the aging, sober, woman I have become. As well, the growth of STDs, identity theft, and violence in our society would make me, at my age, a target for the worst kind of gigolo should I seek to console myself with casual sex.

I am not telling younger women that caual sex is going to take away the pain, but I do see a difference in life station. In my 30s, after a broken heart, I needed and wanted to get back on the Yellow Brick Road to find my mate. In my late 50s, the Yellow Brick Road is in shambles and the only prospects are Tin Men with False Hearts, Scarecrows with wizened bodies, and Weasly Lions mourning their glory days.

I don't recommend jumping from one relationship to another for male or female. I do think that intimate relationships play a more important role in our lives in our younger pre-menopausal years, and the younger folks are more likely to get back into the dating game faster.

I am so glad to learn that you are healing, and I think you have wise advice for anyone seeking an overnight cure.