StarLife,

You write beautifully. Don't be concerned about the length of your messages – I'm betting that, with my hypergraphia disorder, I hold the record for the longest message posted.

Oh, I was raised RC, as well, and was a practicing Catholic until earlier this year. Just now, I have no spirituality at all.

I have not, as yet, been diagnosed with any type of Bipolar disorder although my doctor has suggested on a number of occasions that he thinks that I might have BP II. If that's true then I have been in the midst of my first true manic/hypomanic episode for the past six days. I have been hypersexual, coming very close to engaging a male escort for sex (I'm bisexual). I have two friends, a married couple, whom I have been sexually, and very emotionally, involved with since high school and they came to my rescue, again, this afternoon.

I also went on an $8,000+ spending spree over a two day period. I currently have the hypersexuality under moderate control and the spending completely under control.

When you write of your 'mania' it is something that I do not understand, but I am certain that those who suffer with Bipolar disorder identify with and understand the feelings well. I believe that I am experiencing a small taste of hypomania but the strangest part of it, to me, is just how good I feel just now. And how sad it is to think that this happiness is temporary and that I expect even darker depression after this episode.

I wrote to say that I am, at this moment, having some of the feelings that you're experiencing but I am unable to make much sense of those feelings at the moment.

I had not seen the friends that came to help me today, and on previous days, in years. I was their "roommate," a bit differently than you were the roommate with your friends, in that we were practicing polyandry during that four year period. When I had my first breakdown in 1999 I did not hear from them. After three years of being institutionalised, I got in touch with them again. But we had all been through so many changes that we simply could not reconnect and there were incidences of acrimony that pulled us further apart.

I am frightened. I do not know what to expect or when to expect a change. I could not get an appointment with my doctor until December 7th.

I'm being of no help to you and selfishly repeating my own problems. I think that my responses have everything to do with my fear and my lack of understanding.

I apologise. And I wish you well. The only thing that I ever hope to get out of these forums is a bit of information and a smidgen of support. There are no cures here. I muddle on, suffering some days and, for the last six days, hoping that someone will help me understand what is happening to me.

Sorry for any errors in this text. I'm exhausted and craving restful sleep.

Be well,