I hope this thread is not too dark. for your taste. I'm not thoughtful person I guess. Just for this once, sorry if my violent thoughts offended you in some ways..

My life is surreal to me, every little things, even my body and hair makes me me. Strip them all off, and I don't know what would be left. Nothing. If I set my hair, I changed.

If someone like it, I feel good to and the opposite takes place as well. I do what I do, nothing could change that, I just have to see more by altering these scars later. don't know when. It is alright for now, I thought it was swallen a bit, it's just nothing serious. What's to lose.

I wanna ponder till my last breath leaves me. Hopeful. Hopeful that I'll find something there, I don't get overwhelmed by sadness I suppose, I left it behind or something. I've just decided that that's not the way to live.

Feeling the high and thought I could drop dead any moment, not all the way, but it is some part still true. I don't get stuck, I don't want to,,at the bottom of my feelings. don't know. No one really shows me the real power, awesome alive-ness..

I want to leave one last thought before I head out of the door.

I feel that one day without pain, ****, I'm counting yesterday too, that is one day too long. This disconnect with myself and what my body feels, which is nothing, they don't correlate, I want to fix it.