I have seperated form my husband and I was hoping for a cleaner break. I still have contact with him because we have kids. It is limited contact. I also go directly to him each month to collect child support.

I am getting ready to move and I do not have enough money. No one makes my husband give me money. We kinda settled on an amount. The amount was appropriate given the current circumstance, but now that circumstances has changed. The amount he gives me is not enough. The issues I am having at the moment is the fear of asking him for more money. I have known for weeks that this was potentially coming. I put it off and delayed it, and now the time that I need more is near.

The biggest part of the issue that I am afraid to ask him for ht money. I know his money is very important to him. I fear that his money means more to him then I do and then the wale fare of me and his kids. My greatest fear is that he will say no, and if he says no then I will know that the money means more then us and the kids. I would then have to face the reality of things and make decisions accordingly. I am sadly ok with not knowing, or going along with the belief system that I have and not knowing the truth. It saddens me that I am ok with lies, and being second choice. But I have come to expect nothing less out of life.

I know I am giving him the power to control me from a distance. He has controlled me for so long and told me what to do that I am kinda paralyzed with fear. He has the money, and there is no reason he can't give it to me. He has more then enough money to spare what I need.

There is a chance that we will reconcile and we are working with the T on that while I live elsewhere. I have the relocated and taken the kids with me. In the event that he gets proper help and makes the necessary changes and I over come the past that we have shared I think reconciliation will work. But as long as money means more then the kids and I, I have no need to return to that. The knowing is jsut the hard part. Like putting off a screening for cancer, because once you know then you have to do something about it, and sometimes it is a difficult things to swallow.

Sorry if this has made no since. I jsut have so much on my mind and need to share it and get it off my chest. Thank you for listening.