From the list in your signature anxiety looks like the tip of the ice burg & with all the meds your list has I'm surprised you can function. I was on servo quell after going through a trauma & there was no way I could function. Your pdoc already told you he thought you are disabled/handicapped. Yet you haven't bothered to take the initiative to go apply for disability....what are you waiting for? Are you expecting to magically get better yourself.

You said your finances are really tight & you are putting all that pressure on your bf to totally support you. You aren't even married & you are putting that expectation on him...of course as time goes on & you do nothing about getting on disability to help with the finances it's no wonder his temper is getting a bit short. You are the one that needs to decide to go for the disability & get it applied for. He doesn't need to be the one telling you to do it.

I had an computer engineering career & ended up with a breakdown. After I got off medical leave of absence you betcha I went on disability. I knew at that point I wasn't going to be able to work at that level of stress in the future & my pdoc at that time suggested it also. Even being married it was my responsibility to the relationship to make sure I didn't destroy us totally with my not being able to work.

You can bet your bf is feeling the financial pressure & people can only feel pressure for so long without blowing up. He's probably been holding it in. You talk about your not having support or feeling like you have anyone to talk to....what about your bf? He has that same need especially when he's feeling pressure & it seems like he's been holding it in maybe so not to make your anxiety worse....but there comes a time with everyone when they can no longer hole in the frustration & with a trigger it all comes out.

My suggestion....go get the disability paperwork going & do your responsible part for the relationship no matter what anxiety level it causes. You do know that anxiety is good also. It's our minds way of telling us that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with & until we deal with it the anxiety WON'T go away no matter how many meds we take & sometimes the amount of meds we are on can make us so non-functional that we have a hard time doing those things which only feeds the anxiety more.