I have so much emotional pain that if I don't focus on it and try to validate it to myself it gets out of hand and makes me stop whatever I'm doing or thinking and think about the pain. I'm not functional at all but I do take showers and sometimes eat. It's like it's coming from a certain place inside of me and it's screaming that it needs to be addressed. But it's not possible for it to be addressed every single second of the day. And when I think about it it requires all my energy and I don't fight it I just don't see why if I listen to it it helps but only for a while. So I try to listen to the pain and feel it, but that doesn't make it go away it just stops it from me doing something to self-sabotoge. It's like a screaming baby that I constantly have to ask what's wrong to, but still keeps screaming. And when I listen to it it doesn't help it just screams at me harder. It's like a tornado set out to destroy me. And fear too comes with it. I was abused and I think that's the reason behind it. But I don't know how to fix it. And I get goosebumps when I feel the pain. When I actually feel it really strongly it makes me sort of stop breathing and I have to remind my self to breath again.