sorry Tao... I fully understand... however I can offer suggestion:

if you truly wish to get out of the situation... if you really want to help yourself... (I believe you do want help...)

Take a look at your postings. Take a review of your speech.
TRY and quit using (even though you might continue to think them for a while... that will change later too..) those words!

stop using words : Can't
there's no way I can handle this
I hate the thought of...

I know your situation isn't what anyone would want... but if you can correct your speaking like this... well it's in your best interest to...

If you can also replace them with...

I don't feel like I can... but...
I can do this
This isn't what I wanted but...
Somehow I will....

it will help you feel better at least... because you won't be feeding yourself all those negative thoughts (and you do have enough negative things happening to you already.)