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If you question if you're an alcoholic, you probably are. Normal drinkers don't even question their drinking habits. Some of the things you mention are typical ways we think/act. Like the wine experiment. You are being honest about it. That is a huge step for recovery. Seek help, like AA, go to a meeting. You'll feel right at home. I wish you well. You can avoid the heartache that longer term addiction can cause. I almost lost my life. Hope you'll go. It's the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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