There are so many aspects to your post and I think the advice to care for yourself first and foremost is definitely worthy of great consideration on your part - if we aren't healthy, how can we work towards a healthy relationship? Counseling may be cost prohibitive for you but it would be helpful to have someone other than your wife to discuss your problems with - I would assume on some level she is feeling resentful about the past years of anger she has dealt with and is struggling with her own depression so counseling would likely be very helpful for her as well. One "issue" of my depression is that i have no desire for intimacy which as you are experiencing doesn't help the relationship but understanding the source (depression) helps. I'm rambling a bit here so to sum up my thoughts - work on you - you are a major part of the marriage equation. The same applies to your wife, which in turn can lead to reestablishing a successful partnership. Just my humble two cents - easy does it