TerriLynn is brilliant here and has a level of insight that I don't. That said, I am well-versed in narcissistic paternalism.

If your worst fear is learning that he isn't a good spouse/provider/father/person, I think you already know the answer. You shouldn't be sweating this. The fact that he has put you in this position and taught you to fear touching his precious purse says everything about this guy.

The more you worry about asking him, the more you fear his reaction, the more power you give him. You worst fears might be realized -- the good thing is that you're halfway out the door and you got the kids with you.

If it's not part of your repertoire to think about yourself (because I have a sense that you've thought much more about your ex than yourself), focus on your kids. Be their champion, their lawyer, their guardian and ask for what they need. If he isn't willing to help or makes you feel horrible for asking please reconsider this:

This man has a pattern of treating you poorly with blatant disregard for your feelings or needs. Is it realistic to think he's going to change? He's not being particularly loving right now, he doesn't seem like he's trying to woo you back with openness and kindness if you're wearing a hole in the lining of your stomach because you need more help financially. I know it would be easier if he was back in the picture, being the provider. Just because it's easier doesn't make it right.

I grew up in a similar household and wish my mother could have walked away decades ago. Looking back, now that they're divorced, she wishes the same thing. Now I don't have a lot of money. She doesn't have a lot. But we have each other and that's a lot better than a private collection of Porsches. I got my mom, that's what matters. That's forever.