Good morning, beautiful inhabitants of this planet. Let's not destroy it!

Someone posted a question "Do you trust yourself?"

I need more data! That's another way of saying of course I trust myself, and then, I so so want to trust everyone, even someone I don't know at all. Except few bad apples who deserve to go to jail.

At night, sometimes I don't trust anyone outside of my brain, they are evil with bad intensions. Doubts sneak in at any time of course, it's like oil and water, trust and distrust towards myself never mix.

The whirlpool of trust and distrust suck my brain cells into somewhere, like a black hole I don't know what's on the other side, the gravity pulls and that's confusion, I don't go ,,,catatonic usually, ,,,,,,

Diagnosis and the pills arn't the solution for me. Thinking about getting a second opinion though.

****!!!!

I'm sorry, who do I trust then? You have your reality and I have my own,,saying that with weak feeble voice,,Live just gives me a choice and ,,,Why can't I just fastforward everything and die. That's just another choice to make. Let me just slow it down so much, loads of fun!!!!!!!!!!!

There's no convincing anyone and I let others make me go Arghhhhh.

I wanna scream at someone, anyone, and I know it sounds crazy and i won't do it, but I just wanna say with clenched teeth, "Can't you just let me be for a minute? For a second? I am ****ing living, can't you see that? Isn't that in my eyes? Just look at em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What would be my jooooob if I ever go to see another doctor? Am I ALLOWED to be a difficult patient? Am I a PATIENT, after one step inside the office? I'm not made to accept help for ,,,as long as I have this me, it just makes things a lot harder to deal with, it is problematic to navigate through life.

I kicked the habit of being depressed. Can't say for sure, it's not even a year since I got off meds.

I'm moving on to the next thought of the day.

Edit 1: I need to fix my computer, I want to change my mood. ****. My attention's everywhere right now. I was following this tiny bug with my eyes a second ago, starting wonder where I am...Everything's connected. Including myself. That's part of the reason why I am how I am. Dis-****ing-prove it! I wanna see/read about it. damn.

I become hateful, umm,,revengeful? maybe. sometimes. and they put a seed of doubt in me and I go like I trust myself, not trustworthy,,I get thrown around. Rebuilding this time has to stay up. I've done the ground work, it doesn't have to be beautiful, I'm no architect, I don't do engineering, but something with my own hands can be built there, it's going to be my design and everything.

I'm stupid.

Edit 2: This whole assumption that I may have bipolar like mind could be skewing things the way I understand things in my day to day life. I'm talking about right now, reading things here on PC. I don't get out much, even on the internet. It's nasty out there, man. it's not the technologies fault.

I'm not doing better this morning, am I? I am a lab rat in a maze, and if I were a researcher, I'll make a exit door for him, that's my response. Why not? Seriously, this part of me don't chage much, I feel too bad for the rat if I make the maze without an exit. Too mean. No matter how much I struggle in my own head, it feels like a waste of time sometimes, I'll never know what anybody else thinks...what the hell am I doing here? Let me be just me, I won't hurt you. But you say I do. It sure sounds like it..