Today I accidently started to tell my therapist how depressed and sad I really was. I am not suicidal but have suicidal thoughts and sometimes contemplate it. Like an idiot I almost said too much and I could tell he began to try and pry it from me. I could not get locked up right now. I am so busy with school and work and stuff that IP would be totally unacceptable. His face started to turn and show immediate concern but I was able to change the subject seeing as how I have gone completely manic. I have decided to go off of my meds because I feel like my PDOC and Therapist are just trying to control me. Sometimes I don’t even believe in bipolar disorder. I think its all made up by doctors, pharma, and insurance companies. I feel like he would love to have me committed just to have some drama to talk about.

Does anyone else ever fear or face this? I know that it might be good to go away for a bit buy I really can’t and I really don’t want to.