Welcome to Psych Central Msobody. You have been through so much in your 34 years and you have so much more of your life ahead of you. My heart goes out to you, don't feel like you are bothering anyone here, we are here to help and support you.. Have you seen a doctor for you severe anxiety? Perhaps there are a lot of unresolved issues in your life and it would help you if you were to talk to a health professional. To be unemployed is bad enough, and having to deal with your past which has ultimately had such a strangle on your mental health, but cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. You need to see a professional to resolve these issues and eventually move forward in your life. You seem like a very intelligent lady, and I hope everything works out well for you.