My ex husband and I are no longer together - but that is not the story here. We were together 16yrs and I actually raised his son.

I knew from the beginning he had a child so knew what I was getting into. So too our children were part of us being a couple from the get go.

I am one for being honest up front. I expect that and honour it too. I am bothered that his having a child was omitted from the beginning of your relationship. I'm not saying you should necessarily have met the child early on but you ought to have been informed about him.

The other factor is your age. You are awfully young to 'have' a four year old.

I believe if someone IS to become a stepmom that they must be prepared to be just that - a part-time parent. If you can't do that, feel you would only pay lipservice to the child when dad has him, think you might be resentful, or think you will be fake or need to pretend to care for and tend to this child then - for their sake - you ought to back out now. This is a responsibility. If you feel you can't or don't want to be responsible for this child, it won't work.

Before racing to conclusions I think you guys need to have a few dates 'as a family'. Going to a park together is a great idea.

Before making a decision you need to sit down with your BF and discuss what, if you should make a commitment, the family situation will look like. Discuss everything from expectations for you to spend time alone with the child, to frequency of time spent, to holidays, to contact with his ex, to finances - what does he pay for support etc.

With planning and understanding this need not work out badly.