i want someone to just beat me down and call me out for the ****ing useless deadbeat i am. i'm never going to find anything better. it can only get worse. i'm a ****ing loser for not enjoying this. useless. pathetic. nothing. what have i done to be so exhausted? what do i contribute to the world to deserve to feel tired? i do nothing but consume and hate. hate and consume. i just want to die already. it's all my fault i'm not happy. it's all my fault i'm rotten and possessed. i should have just let those daddies from my desperate college days kidnap and rape and torture me, sell me into the sex trade, since that's all i'll ever be good for.