Thanks for the response CM!
More frequently than not I have allowed myself to be pursued rather than seek out a partner myself, and that likely plays a major role in the lack of chemistry that I feel.
I have experienced chemistry before, not frequently though. Once or twice it was not reciprocated and another time it took a few weeks to develop but the relationship lasted several years. Does "chemistry" count when it's not reciprocated? Can you tell? I feel like I knew but did not want to face the truth when it was not reciprocated for me, which is why it's confusing to me that my partner has reacted as though he's been blind-sided when I finally mustered up the courage to tell him that our relationship "doesn't feel right" to me a couple of months ago.
Unfortunately you are correct. I feel like friends in this relationship (and have in most past relationships too). Passion, intimacy, and sex are all lacking. It's hard to express the lack of chemistry to my partner since we have been together for several years without me communicating any issues including my feeling of missingness until recently. He wants to change to fix us and I am afraid that we are just putting on a show of being in love... Hence the self help books and posting.
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