Mama, Wise-n-himer ; ), Wants and Justice,

Thank you for your posts. I began the process of getting my home and cell numbers changed yesterday and all is completed today. I know that this was a necessary action, at least for me it was. However, I got an email from her this morning, with the subject line that read " I was wrong". I stared at it for a minute. I was deciding if I should read or delete it. The whole situation has been leaving me very, very unsettled. I did decide to read it because my curiousity kills me everytime. In the letter she basically wrote that she sorry that she has blamed me for everything, because she knows that it is not true. She said she is feeling very empty and angry and she is spending a great deal of her time crying. She feels that our relationship is "unhealthy" but by the same tokken, she misses me and wished she knew how to fix it.

The thing is, the tone of her voice on the phone the other night was something I never heard out of her before. It's almost like I dont even know her anymore. The friend that I knew was not capable of hatred. All this has happened in a matter of a few days and I just don't know how to handle it.

I didnt reply to her right away because I am afraid to say anything because it might make matters worse. Anyhow, I just replied back and this is what I had to say:

"I'm not quite sure how to respond. I am very confused over the whole situation right now. I spent a great deal of time Wednesday evening going over in my head and trying to make sense of the situation and I really couldn't. I don't know where to begin so I won't even try right now. I just can't. The XXXXXX that I know, or thought I knew would have never conveyed hatred towards me because she is not capable of doing so. I don't know you anymore XXXXXX and that too leaves me feeling very, very empty inside because my friend XXXXXX completed the other half of me. I obviously have done something to hurt and offend you and I have never intended to hurt you, ever. I just thought the extent and complex level that our friendship consists of would always have assured you that we could talk about anything with eachother, because we were my very best friends. Ya know? I would never call our friendship unhealthy, but that is ok that you do because that is how you feel about it and your feelings are never wrong. I'm afraid to say anything else right now because I know that you are hurting so I won't say anything else, except that I miss you too.

Thanks for listening back,

Jen"

My mind went completely blank and that was the best I could come up with. I don't really know what else to say.

Thanks again for listening to my rants.