I 'test' people too, but I'm not as... huh... strict as you, though I share some of those feelings. I judge like you do even though I don't look at my own self with the most positive attitude. I find it hard to accept that and I'm not always good at following this advice, but the only way to get over this is to lower your guard a little bit. This is awfully hard for me, because I fear that every chance I lower my guard can be a chance were my bad judgements are right, even though I've seen my insights failing many times.

It's not about lowering your standards, but giving the chance to prove those and some of you strict concepts are wrong, because there's a huge probability that they are. I'm not saying what you've been through is invalid, but it's always better to not allow things like that crystallize as truths... and that's quite what you're doing.

You'll have to take the risk, I know it's very distressing, but that's it. To begin with, stop comparing yourself with others. I do that too, but you must be aware of how useless, senseless this is. Don't feed it, don't let it take you. Understand that there's no straight trail, no causeXeffects guaranteeing you anything and stop trying to figure what do others do to get what you don't.