It is time to go with the full-time program. I think you know that. It is actually rather overdue from everything you've said over the last few months; it has been concerning that your pdoc and T have waited this long to make serious intervention for your safety. Your physical safety needs to be secured first and foremost. Once that is taken care of, you will probably find yourself more able to focus more realistically and rationally on your mental health.

Please be completely honest with them. Tell them that your actions have been deliberate and intentional to inflict this kind of damage and suicide. They need all the information, and you absolutely need all the help.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.