Thanks, i really couldnt think of anything else to face the day. i focused on other ways to get the same effects of alcohol, on SH and death...

then at work i tried to focus on the people i work with and it went better. also, knowing i could come online here at any time, helped.

after work i saw my "other new T" (from MHS). it went so-so. firstly it was overwhelming but i didnt feel i could say it (i dont want to say certain things), then i realized i COULD say i was stressed and she said she could intervene and "prescribe me" a week off from 1 of my 3 "jobs". i felt instant relief. then for the first time i felt like i could tell her a little more about me and even though it was not about the "big" issues, it was good enough to get me calmer.

once at home though i binged again without even thinking about it. it just "happened".

now i feel kind of back in control. i hate this roller coaster. but so thankful i'll have a week off from job1... its dinner time now and i cant wait to go to bed.

i hope soon i wont feel the need to write here so often anymore. meanwhile, please put up with me. well, you can always ignore me anyway. i just hope i dont bother anyone by posting even if only for myself anyway.
best to all