CM-- Thank you again.

I think you read my response correctly the first time. I was describing other relationships in which I have felt chemistry in the past. I have no recollection of any feelings I can describe as chemistry in my current relationship. I agree that my current partner probably does feel some kind of chemistry; I'm not sure if he has felt chemistry with others in the past.

Sex is mechanical. And sparse. Recently (6-8 weeks ago) we talked about how the lack of frequency bothers both of us, but neither of has has tried to change anything. When I brought sex issues up, he first apologized for being awkward in the bedroom. And he is, but with him so am I... So I apologized too. Not all of my sex has been mediocre or awkward, but I did not feel this was appropriate to share with him during our heart-to-heart.

-----------
Thank you for your input mgj!

I thought that I was okay with this as my relationship scenario for a while. For three years, in fact. I noticed and said nothing. But our status quo really has been a source of serious anxiety and self-deterioration for me over the past year. I have tried to talk about the relationship's future with him and he has responded very negatively to my desire to separate. He has offered to change, told me he can't "fix us" by himself, and expressed that he has a set vision of the future how things "should be" which involve both of us.

When we talk about me not being comfortable in our relationship, he has two common responses after he expresses how devastated he is. I find both responses strange, especially the second. First he asks what is wrong with him and tries to put words in my mouth like that I don't want to be around him (false, I love him and view him as a true friend) or that I don't find him attractive (sort of false, I find him handsome -- but I do not appear to have a sexual attraction to him). Then he asks me what he should tell his family (who I have gotten close to over the past few years... My family lives several hundred miles away so he doesn't have the same closeness with them). They're not judgmental people at all so I'm not sure what he's reaching for when he says this.