Yeah I know that feel. BP typically leaves me feeling very much so caught between a rock and a hard place.

On one hand, I read/hear the angle that it's a matter of personal responsibility to overcome denial about one's mental illness, to be responsible by taking medications both for your own sake and the sake of those around you. I hear/read it and I do understand it. I know that sometimes IP is the most responsible option. I do get it.

But on the other hand, there is everyday life also staring you down from the other corner. It's hard enough as it is to hold down a job and provide for one's self, then it's even harder to do it with mental illness, and then add experimenting with meds / taking time for appointments / needing time for IP / etc - all of which can jeopardize one's job or education - and it's just like.. what the heck are you really supposed to do sometimes?

Like one can listen to the arguments saying take the meds or go IP or spill your guts to your pdoc, and one can understand those arguments and the reasoning behind them. But there is often soooo much at stake, and it's just really not a simple decision, like at all.

Then I also know that feel.. as far as how constantly being torn between like that, can grow resentment, frustration and oppositional thinking. Basically like getting overwhelmed to the point of just wanting everyone - doctors, therapists, relatives - everyone, to just back the hell off.

It really does suck.