Well following on from the Monday morning incident, I had to be taken down to a&e for my wounds to be properly treated. It has been a big wake up call to how bad my self harming has become and as such 'I' have decided to take affirmative action towards curbing that part of my issues.

I had ward round today and was very forthright with what I needed for my own self care... Thankfully I had mental health proffesionals who have known me a long time there.. Who in turn were able to 1. Give their professional opinion based upon observation and 2. Reword confusing statements from the hospital staff that added to my frustration (at one point I exclaimed: no one is :expletive: listening to me!)

It was negotiated to the following:

My requests: 15 min observations (they targeted this to the evenings when I struggle the most)
Initially I wanted to be ward based for at least a week but it was negotiated to during the day I am to access activities in hospital grounds... The last bit was my no budge area... I want to avoid any childish impulsive temptation to purchase supplies needed for self harm... So staying on hospital grounds would minimise this risk.

Their demands: that I try to engage more on the ward and access the communal area (this is a big ask since noise stimulus is a big problem for me)

That I speak to staff when I start getting impulsive and that I am honest and upfront about any improvised tools created for self harm (I actually handed in such items tonight 'before' using them... Which was a big step for me).

It is to be reviewed after 48 hours to see if it's having a positive impact (I was a bit wary of this and needed one of my longer standing support members to explain 'review' does not mean stop)

So anyway... My mood is still very low, I still feel and acknowledge that I am at a heightened risk to myself... And I'm attempting to quit what has up to now been a coping and grounding technique that has gotten out of hand.