Sometimes I just get so sick of the things I'm supposed to do, and the ways I'm supposed to feel. It makes me sick! I hate that feeling I get, the one that just sits there and waits for the right moment to strike. Then out of the middle of a perfect day, I'm ready to curl up in a little ball and die.
I don't understand why immortality is such a pleasing thought to some people. I personally don't like the thought of suffering for eternity for being a total failure here. Can't we just die, and call it quits? I'm sorry I'm venting on this site so much, but people around me don't want to hear it, and I don't want to make them mad.
I'm not allowed to want to cease to be, I'm supposed to have some great zeal for life, and I just don't have it! You should see the disappointment all over the faces of the people who somehow came to the mistake of caring about me. I'm so sick of disappointing other people, and myself. I want to be what others want me to be, but I don't know how! I don't know how to stop worrying about the stupidest things, and I don't know how to motivate myself very well, and I don't know anything very well. I feel like I'm falling farther and farther behind at life, and I'm just hurting everyone in the process. For those of you who believe in God, tell me why God would want a failure like me on this planet. I'm sorry I'm letting all this out here. I know it's kinda dumb. But then again, so is most of what I say . I guess my venting is more or less the reason for the title... I think if I told anyone around me, they'd tell me I need to change my attitude, but that's sorta my problem, I don't know how, so this is my place to be weak.