If anyone can give me insight or ideas, it would be appreciated.

I feel obligated somehow to tell T on Monday how I felt about him during (and now after) our last session. Basically I still think he's a good T, but I don't know if I trust him... I don't know if I like him very much at the moment either. Yeah, I have no logical reason behind the emotions.

But my question... how do you tell a T something like that? What am I supposed to say? "Therapy made me feel like crap, I didn't feel connected to you, it (therapy) scared and hurt me and I felt you weren't really supportive of me or listened to me at all" and also tell him that his contract sucks (which I broke anyways... which will not be fun to explain... stupid cognitive distortions and drinking) and that if he's going to make me do a contract I want to be able to have imput, and that it NEEDS to be on paper because I need the tangible object? If you want to reach me and have me remember something, it NEEDS to be written down. I also appreciate the object itself... don't know how to explain that one, but my last two T's have given me notes that I'm supposed to remember (like YWI - you're worth it) ... I felt better just having it, and I still do. Should I also say that I don't mind contracts, and will try to abide by them but also that asking me to do all this stuff is ridiculous - especially without giving me any coping mechanisms as replacement?

Basically I feel disconnected and uncared for and I don't exactly want to go back to see him. That environment isn't safe yet for me.... and he keeps pushing, and doesn't seem to understand when I freak out. I've had two mild freak outs (anxiety) and he did nothing to calm me down. Still don't like that either.

But he has a way of understanding, and he is helpful. I'm not asking for people to tell me to get a new T ... I'm just finding he's not really helpful at the moment.

Help! PLEASE. I feel like I'm going insane.