I can identify with you. I am a couple of days short of being 4 months sober. I was drinking every night, not much at first (15 or so years ago), but it is progressive and I just started drinking more and more. Often I didn't feel "drunk enough". I was terrified I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I stumbled into bed. My drinking was killing my marriage though and it took a long long time of awareness before I did something about it and quit cold turkey in July. My body had already started violently rejecting alcohol, no doubt from years of abuse. My mind was just a little harder to tackle. I had to admit to myself that I was addicted. I did this years ago and kept saying "I'll stop tomorrow" until I knew I'd lose my husband if I didn't quit. It was easier for me than I thought. I certainly didn't struggle physically and managed to get a grip on my emotions after a couple of months. My mother is a severe alcoholic (if one's alcoholism can be more severe than another) and she is drinking herself to death. Literally. I didn't want to turn into her even though I love her dearly.

So I would say to you that it would be good for you to watch your drinking habits closely and really try cut back and see how you cope. I knew that I had to quit completely. I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

It isn't easy, so I wish you strength and I think you should be commended for reaching out here and asking questions.

I am loving sober life. There is so much less pressure on me not to "have to" drink every night and not to "have to" get a buzz on. Socially was a little hard at first but it is lovely leaving a party or having people over at home and not getting drunk. And then trying so hard to cover it up. I ended up looking like a fool most times.

You are most welcome to ask me anything or PM me should you so wish. I'll be nothing but honest.

Strength!

PS. I was spending a fortune on alcohol (used to be wine then turned to whiskey). It was easy enough to hide from my husband but not worth the guilt. I have bought a couple of books and spoiled my family with lots of baking with the money I used to squirrel away for alcohol.