I have a struggling long term marriage with issues of me not feeling chemistry and that 'I don't feel right'. There has been sex, satisfying sex (meaning orgasms), but the destructive pattern we developed in order to get there became mental S&M.

I thought about the relationships where I did feel chemistry and decided they were ones where I was trying to get my feelings reciprocated, where they were not.

I've questioned myself 'Is it because he is committed to me the reason I don't feel chemistry?'

I know it's deeply askew, and I had trauma events that probably play into it. But, I suggest you think about why you felt chemistry with the others.