People that are in conflict tend to behave pretty badly, and parents who didn't do enough to protect us or to teach us how to protect ourselves are naturally in conflict with themselves about that failure.

My mother is in her 80s and still in that cycle of conflict, still has no sense of boundaries and acts as though concerns I have are frivolous or stupid. What I can understand about it is, if I had somehow failed a child of mine in that regard, it might cause me to behave like a beast as well, because I'd hate myself. So I try to be compassionate towards the part of her that is dealing with that heartbreak, for my own sanity as much as anything. It doesn't always work, because her behaviors can be absolutely maddening, and sometimes she trips the wrong wire...

I don't know if there's any advice in here. Besides working on increasing your power in sticking up for yourself, just to hang in there I guess; because your level of awareness means you have the opportunity to be a better person, which I can tell you are already.