Thank you for such a thoughtful answer. As I await my appointment I can look back and see that I am not well. I can't figure things out and I am just not happy. I hope this new t can help me.

I am trying to decide if I am going to walk in and feed him the diagnosis or if I am going to ask him to investigate and help me figure out what the truth is.

I hate the bipolar label. It automatically colors people's opinions. I remember I went to the ER once a couple of months ago for abdominal and chest pain. I probably didn't even need to go but I went to an urgent care clinic and their machines were down so they sent me to the ER in case it was serious.

The doctor at the ER was very kind, but it was in my record that I have bipolar. I happened to hear his dictation because I was near the central desk. He began with "41 year old bipolar female presents with..." Now, whatt the heck does having bipolar have to do with abdominal pain?

At that moment, I realized that everything I do, anywhere I go for help, people are looking at me through the screen of whether or not I am in an episode. I hate that.