I really don't know if anyone can do more than offer encouragement but it's been a rough morning. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year, we have a great relationship, it's the healthiest one I've ever been in. We communicate well, adore each other, and any "fights" are usually just discussions where we actually listen and resolve things. I honestly didn't know relationships could be this way. When we met he had been separated for about a year and a half and only divorced a month but that had been very delayed due to court back-ups, they were supposed to be divorced six months prior. Anyhow, he had been living with his mom and had gotten his own place, the relationship with the ex-wife was very very over. They had been staying together for the kids anyway and when she said she didn't want to be with him anymore he agreed.

The problem is his ex-wife is extremely emotionally unstable and unwell. I have my suspicions that she has NPD maybe NPD/BPD, maybe Delusional Disorder. I really don't know except to say that she refuses to get help and seems convinced that my boyfriend (her exhusband) is still the cause of all of her problems even though they've been apart for almost 3 years. I could tell way too many stories but basically she thinks people have said things they've never said; she is never wrong; she has tried to alienate the children, disclosed to the then 10 year old that her father is a sex addict and was abused as a child after they'd discussed not mentioning it until the child was older; she drove 1,000 miles overnight to "surprise" bf and their kids over the summer because she decided a discussion couldn't take place over the phone; has shown up outside bf's apartment screaming and yelling obscenities to the point where the 15 year old's girlfriend is now afraid of her; mentally abuses the children, told the 15 year old he would never get into a good college because he got a "B" in a class, tells him he is a clone of his father whom she hates, made the 11 year old live in a closet because she claimed they couldn't afford a place with 2 bedrooms; maintains that the kids and my bf abuse HER and that she's the victim of all of them, whenever they don't say or do what she wants them to do.

Bf's 15 year old son came to live with him at the end of the summer because he couldn't handle the abuse anymore. The ex-wife moved the kids 1,000 miles away and then moved again at the end of the summer another 1,000 miles in the opposite direction. She began claiming she had "non-operable stage 4 breast cancer" that was "aggressive" and had spread to half her lymph nodes but then claimed she had an 80% change of survival. Obviously this does not add up so bf's lawyer did a discovery request for her medical records and she admitted she's been faking it, doesn't have cancer at all. So the lawyer has told my bf he feels that he should seek custody of their daughter, who is 11 and still lives with the ex-wife. This has all been incredibly stressful on my bf and I, as I'm sure you can imagine. It's exhausting never knowing what she's going to say or do. Taking the 15 year old halfway to meet her and stay with her over Thanksgiving appeared to be going smoothly, that should've been a sign of things to come, and now 4 days before we are supposed to meet her she's attempted to change the time - first she wanted 5pm, then she wanted 11pm on a different day, this is after agreeing via email on a day and time; claimed my boyfriend has changed the location, which he hasn't; accused him of being abusive and hostile, which is why he only speaks to her via text or email so that there's proof of what each of them have said; claimed the divorce papers state that she's supposed to come all the way to his home to pick the kids up so meeting us halfway is her "accomodating" us?????; 6 hours later claimed the papers state they are supposed to meet exactly half way and she will not meet us a half hour closer to her, but must drive exactly halfway; and is incensed that my boyfriend will not drop me off at a gas station before meeting her in the parking lot of a restaurant, because she does not want to have to see me. She hates me for no reason, but it should not be of any surprise that after she told my boyfriend that she didn't want to be married to him anymore that she now claims he "abandoned" her when it suits her and even tried to claim once that he had left her for me even though we did not even meet each other until they'd been separated for over a year! I just don't know how to not let this constant turmoil affect me. In the past I did consider ending the relationship just because I know that being with him means she will always be in my life in some way. Mostly I do not have to interact with her but she tries as best as she can to make life difficult for everyone and I worry about the harm she is doing to the people I love.