I don't know who she would want to live with. She empathizes with whichever parent she's with. So when she's with mom, dad is evil horrible (according to mom, the child never expresses this) she's terrified to talk to him, doesn't want to see him, hates him for breaking up the family, etc. Mom has only ever bad-mouthed dad to the kids, whereas he kept true to their agreement to not talk to the kids about the other parent/divorce. So until last Christmas, the 11 year old was under the impression that her dad had ended the marriage because mom tells her "he will abandon you like he abandoned me." He finally broke down and told her that her mom had said she no longer wanted to be married to him, and that's why the separation happened, the kid was shocked.

When she's with us, she talks about how hard it is to live with her mom, but if a judge said "which parent do you want to live with?" I honestly don't know what she would say. She might feel obligated to stay with her mom since her brother is with us now. She's still too young to really understand when she's being manipulated. She will catch on eventually but it's tough right now. She JUST turned 11.