Yes It has to stop chimera...but not so easy to overcome. You have reason to feel angry and depressed. However...there is a way forward, compartmentalising these feelings will help with the blame and anger in your relationships with your mother & children...but you need to set space and time away from them to grieve.

Your dad I believe would be so sad that his passing is causing this turmoil in you...We don't ever forget the ones we loved...we keep their memory alive by honouring their life. I hope that you will be able to reconcile with yourself and be able to move forward carrying these fond memories with you.