It has been almost a month since I posted this topic. (big sigh....) This relationship is just TOO difficult. Maybe it is me. I am really struggling to understand my husband. He is loving and caring one moment, the next aggressive.

We celebrated 10 years of marriage a week ago. We had not bought each other gifts but did get cards. We went to dinner the night before our anniversary and I offered to foot the bill, which made him very happy. (He complains a lot about me not contributing my financial share. I had been paid for a job, so had some money.) He got us some champagne and we celebrated it away from home, out in the countryside at sunset and it was VERY nice! This was my suggestion, as he wanted to have champagne in bed early that morning, and possibly hoping for a bit of pleasure put to the body. But I simply could not bring myself to celebrate my wedding day with all the fanfare etc. while his son was 2 doors away. In the card I gave him, I wrote down 10 things about him, that I have like and loved for 10 years. I decided to concentrate on positives rather than negatives. He liked this very much.

I suppose ? I don't know what I suppose? I keep thinking that my life would be better, less complicated at least if his son did not live with us anymore.

The night before last my husband asked me if I would take his son to the doctor as he could not do it himself. So at first I suggested that he reschedules and he said he couldn't, this appointment is crucial! I said I don't mind taking him to the doctor but am not comfortable going in with him. At this he freaked out and started getting angry and shouting why do I always have a problem with his son. I said that his son is not my responsibility and I would not know what to do with the information that the doctor gives as I was not involved from the start. He shouted that he does not want me to take responsibility for his son, only to help him out. I ended turning my back on him and going to sleep. The next morning it was as if nothing had happened. Weird!!!!

I rescheduled my own meetings so that I could take his son. 45 minute drive to the hospital and was told that his appointment was the following week, not that day. I kept my cool mostly for my own sake but also did not want to embarrass his son. My husband apologised but what I also don't get is that his son (18years old) does not know about his own life???? It is almost as if he does not take responsibility either. Oh boy, this is getting me down.

Last night my husband gets home at around 7pm. Flops down on the couch and fast asleep 30 minutes later. I wake him and ask if he would like go out for a drink or something. He says 'no' too tired. This is the pattern for most nights. Falls asleep on the couch, wakes up after midnight, works on the pc until 3.30am, comes to bed, gets up at 8am. Off to work. I think it is less lonely by yourself.

As I went to bed at 2am this morning, he was awake then, and I asked when is his son coming home. He said, he is not coming home tonight. It pisses me off that he asks for my help when it pleases him. But does not inform me of other things. Maybe I am just freaking out over nothing?? His son's 18th birthday party was all set and organised and I was not informed of it taking place in our home? I had to eavesdrop to find out what's happening. Then confront my husband! Oh boy! I asked him what time his son is coming home today. He said he doesn't know!!!!

Is it simply that my husband does not want to take responsibility for his son. Or does not know how? And expects me to fill the gaps?

I am sorry about the long post, but my head is hurting so with these thoughts going round and round.

I have seen a therapist but can really only afford 1 session a month. She is very good and has given me lots to think about and analyse.

Thanks for listening!