Hello. This is pretty triggering, so if you can be triggered easily, don't read this. This is your warning.

Anyways, so lately, I have been thinking about what my mom has said to me. My mom gets in these episodes where I believe she emotionally abuses me. I am not sure. I have some pretty bad memories about it. Like, it's not everyday she is like this, but occasionally. It makes my self-esteem lower though.

So the last thing she told me was That is not true at all. There are plenty of more people that would be considered bigger than me. I weigh less than 200 pounds. I don't know my fat to muscle ratio, but I believe I am really strong because I am able to lift at least 50 pounds with just my left-hand. That was even a year ago, so I am much stronger. I have a rough estimate of my waist, and I have a slightly larger waist than what is considered healthy (it's 4-5 inches bigger), and I know I can work on it if my mom didn't ridicule me. I don't feel motivated to work on that now, and people tell me I look fine and I shouldn't worry about this because it is emotional abuse. I am not obsessed about my weight, but I was before because of her. At least once a week, she puts her hand on my stomach and says that I need to stop eating as much. I understand that, but she doesn't understand that I eat because I depressed and it is comfort food. I have tried to explain my mental illness problems and she says everyone experiences what I experience and that I am "normal" and that my mental health problems aren't a "concern". If I have no "mental health problems" then why would I be diagnosed with not one, but three?

I have been seeing a lawyer over custody stuff, and I said I believe my mom isn't supportive of mental illness, and my lawyer was really upset about that because she experiences with it herself. And she emailed my mom about that problem and my mom said that I should have never told MY lawyer that and that I should APOLOGIZE for what I said to her. She is basically saying apologize for saying something I believe is the case? I don't know. I am really confused.

Anyways, a lot of the stuff my mom says about me makes my self-esteem drop.

Another time, after a fight we had (verbal fight), I collapsed on the ground crying because I felt so depressed and terrible and my mom said I was being silly for breaking down like that basically. That was a year ago though.

Anyways, I just wanted to post how I felt about my situation. I hope my mom doesn't get angry at me once again.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg