Hello, Mel and welcome to the forum . First and foremost, let me start off by saying that you are one strong woman! You've been through something so painful and heart-breaking,and yet here you are. You're strong, positive, and you're doing your best to live a full life. Good on you, hun!!

Second, I could be very wrong about this, but I think your boyfriend's anger can be attributed to two factors: (1) He's angry at the man that hurt you, and (2) He's angry at himself for not being there to protect you.

I think he blames himself, and probably feels like he failed you by not being there that night. Take this for example:
"He got so paranoid one night when I was hanging out with his friend that he started telling me how no man is safe, and lost it"
In his head, he's trying to protect you now,and make up for not being able to protect you then.

His anger at the person that hurt you is understandable, and self explanatory. That man hurt the woman your boyfriend loves. He does love you. It's clear in the way he responded when he realised he scared you and made you back away into teh cupboard.

It would be best to talk to him. Let me know that you have move passed it and that you're doing the best you can to make the most of the life ahead of you. Let me know that you don't blame him nor are you upset with him for not being there. You're letting it all go. He needs to forgive himself, too. Talk it out. Perhaps, some couple counselling will help you both.

Take care and good luck. I hope it turns out well for you both.