I really liked what Yezeena had to say (above). He is feeling responsibility for having been unable to prevent this. He is feeling shame - not in you! - but that he was unable to protect you. One plus the other is where his anger comes from. He needs 'permission' to have these feelings I think.

I am so pleased Melkly that you are taking your own steps to acknowledge and start dealing with what happened. That so very much comes to me as a relief (the same happened 30 years ago to me.

As for the deterioration in your sex life. This is perfectly normal. He doesn't want to emotionally hurt you, he doesn't want to remind you of what happened. Sex is something he CAN control and this likely subconsciously is making him withdraw from you. Again, give him 'permission' to feel this way.

When it also comes to sex, I am considering your own side of things. Is it possible you are trying to demonstrate to him - and yourself - you are perfectly okay?

Regardless, this will take you both sometime to heal. Continue to support one another and things may heal.