The Real Me - I totally understand all of your AM I questions, I feel very much the same way.

There is a book called The Body Keeps the score that is all about trauma, PTSD, and complex PTSD, and they discuss the EMDR treatment. It is VERY interesting and explains A LOT about what is going on with our brains. I highly suggest that you pick up a copy, online or in print. or it you have a nook app, I might be able to lend it to you. This would be a good start for you.