Hi and welcome ADC!

I have very similar symptoms to yours. The depression is very difficult but it is the mania that trashes my life. I do terrible and stupid things on impulse. I am still searching for the right meds and for what is "me". I also had my most recent med make me a zombified, personality-less waste. But you gotta work with the doc and get one that works for you and doesn't have bad side effects. I'm off to the doc on Mon. Bottom line - if the meds make you feel too bad, ask for a change. There are a lot of meds out there to try.

I admit I have a sort of addiction to the feeling of mania. But I am finding that it is worth it to stop it. I do feel very creative when manic, and I'm an artist, so it hurts me to stop that flow. But I found that if I get the right meds, I still have enough to make me happy! I'm just not up at 4: 00 am every day making things, LOL!

Good luck ADC - get the help you deserve