Kayleigh,

I guess we all have people around us who try to tell us what we should do/think/feel. Most of them think they are trying to help, but it doesn't really, does it? I get the sense that what you want to do, and your thoughts and feelings get lost in the shuffle, and maybe you aren't even sure what that is. Does that make sense to you? If you could get in touch with your desires and feelings, then I think the motivation would come, and people might not push you around so much since you would be self-motivated and most of them wouldn't feel so inclined to try to jump in and make you do something. You would also have more ability to tell them, hey, that's not how I feel - I have my own plan here for what I'm trying to do.

I found a book that helped me a lot with that. You might be interested in it. Who You Were Meant to Be - a Guide for Finding or Recovering your Life's Purpose , by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. The book shows you how your dreams and your plans for your life get buried and obscured and other people's ideas take their place, and you might not even know anymore what you want to do, but it's still there, and then it covers how to find what you want to do, even if it seems too hard, and how to overcome the obstacles, even if they seem insurmountable, as they probably will at least at some point.

I'm not sure if I even ought to respond to your question about God wanting a failure on this planet. I can sure relate to that though, and it's easier for me to answer it for you, than for myself. Of course, God didn't create you to fail. He still believes in you, and will help you to succeed. He knows the great potential that is inside you, and wants to see it realized.

It's ok to vent here. This is a safe place.

Love,
Wendy