Quote:
Originally Posted by CopperStar
I agree with others that you dodged a bullet. It sounds to me like she may had a personality disorder, and I say that as someone who does have a personality disorder. The way she started sharing really intense, personal information so soon is a common red flag, it creates a false sense of emotional intimacy, and often the person with the PD doesn't even realize that that's what they are doing because they so desperately want to fill that emotional hole in themselves.
...
|
I was totally thinking that too but I didn't want to say it based on so little info.
To CTB: I agree with everyone else on dodging the bullet though. I don't think it had anything to do with your mental illness. I think she wanted (don't care what she said, actions speak louder than words) you to devote all your time, energy, and attention to her. When she realized that it wasn't going to be you tending to her problems constantly, because you are not perfect and have problems of your own, she went cold. HUGE red flags in what you described:
Quote:
|
She wanted a therapist so I told her I'd look for one. We began holding hands and kissing.
|
NO. why?!? Why would you do it for her? She has access to the internet. I can see pointing her in the right direction, I often let people know about places that do sliding scale without insurance or explain how community mental health centers work, but I don't give them the names and numbers. Because we are all adults and everyone has a phone where they can google "my city community mental health" etc.
Quote:
|
I admit, ever since she opened up (inappropriately, IMO) on the second date about her father and the abuse, her and I got very emotionally intense and intimate. She tended to clam up a bit after that.
|
You know this is a red flag, you know it was inappropriate! These are the things that should ping the back of your mind to say, "I should be cautious with this woman." not "Wow, she opened up about really intimate stuff, she really trusts me. She picked me to open up to." I feel so strongly about this I'd put money on her wanting 100% of your energy and attention and she withdrew because she realized she might not be able to get it because you have a bipolar dx. So while that may be the reason, it's not the reason in the way you are thinking.
You're focusing on the fact that she said two "unstable" people shouldn't be together and completely ignoring the fact that she's calling
herself unstable. This girl has spelled out for you exactly why you do not want to get seriously involved with her. I'm not saying this is you, but I know that sometimes people who want to help other people as a career get drawn to romantic partners that need help too. I've done it, I've seen my friend who was a psychology major do it. People sense our capacity for empathy and they crave that. The relationships are always very unbalanced because one person is in a parental, enabling kind of role. Clinicians are the WORST at seeing our own problematic feelings and behaviors.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
