I had a friend who basically is a good person -- but she has no empathy for the times when I am financially in crisis. The first time, I was moving, so I just let the relatinship go. The second time, she let loose with a letter than was critical and I cut off contact with her.

After a few years she wrote; I wrote back; we have traded perspectives and gained closure. But closure it shall be.

Our friendship works best when we can be dysfunctional together. So I cannot go back to it.

I suggest that you take your time deciding how to respond -- as long a time as necessary, even years. Your first priority is to take care of yourself. If you need to send a note right away to express concern for her situation, keep it very brief. "I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I'm not able to be a good friend to you right now. I wish you all the best finding the strength and support and you need." Something along those lines.

My very humble opinion is that trying to straighten things out when both of you are upset and have no perspective on what occurred will only create more messiness. But that is just the opinion of one person, with no therapeutic background, who is not very successfully at establishing nurturing friendships.