I have been married nearly 10 years and of those years I never had seen a psychiatrist to discuss my not sleeping or over sleeping. (Hypomania or Depression) I dealt with it through drinking 2-4 beers it basically relaxes me and makes me more talkative. I drank hoping my mind would shut down etc. I may have raised my voice but usually when I am excited and its like I can't shut off my brain it just has to be worn out. I break into conversations sometime not because I wish be rude. I have often gotten agitated when my wife asked me questions to things I think she know but not purposefully.

It wasn't until we were married like 8 years that I explicitly explained to her that I have trouble talking to new people and even groups of people I may know like it was a shock to her. I was surprised that she never picked up on the issue before that them. After I shared that information with her made she felt that she then had to be that much more of a burden carrier. I was out of work for about 3 years but I attended university for my masters degree during that time and took care of the kids while she worked and also went to school. Last year, I made a move to live and work in the last place I would ever have thought to work because I wanted to show her that she didn't need to be the only burden holder.

Last year I took the kids and moved out of the country near her family and took a job in a place that started causing me to have panic attacks and severe insomnia because I was living about 5 months taking care of 2 kids by myself working full-time. I found my management was impractical and I just kept getting worse on sleep for weeks except for the weekend I would get zero to 3 hours of sleep. After about 5 month my wife finally moved and I was excited to see her as well as the kids. Any by this time I had an mania episode where I did not sleep for a week my mind raced and I would lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My panic attacks got worse at work as it effected my whole body rapid breathing, fast heart, shaking, and etc.

I finally went to the doctor at my work for something to help me sleep. He gave me diazepam I took 10 mg and I slept like I can't remember when. At that point I knew something more was going on so I asked my wife to make an appoint with a neurologist. I saw him and then he sent me to a psychiatrist who started giving me medication to help with depression and panic attacks. I have been seeking this Dr. 8 months now the first diagnosis he gave me was panic attacks. Later on he told me major/mild depression. However, all the antidepressant that he ever gave me sent me into hypomania or mixed episodes yet still he near said I have bipolar. I told my wife that with the new medication he put on Clozapine would require weekly blood tests. Up to this point my wife says everything is in my head if I did not need medication before why should I need it or take it now. I believe because I was having mixed episode with the antidepressants that caused psychosis is the reason he gave me Clozapine and klonopin together to help me sleep and I can say it has worked. I don't feel as irritable and more refreshed.

I am not sure how to get my wife to understand why I take the medication and how different I feel even though she may not see or understand the difference that is going on inside my mind. Does anyone have advice to make the situation more positive. I work on helping with our kids home work to take some of the feeling of burden for her. While still my need to see a psychiatrist without feeling guilty.