Quote:
Originally Posted by DBTDiva
Was there something that happened in the past that made you distrust men or is this just based on violence in the world? Once I got upset and stopped wanting to have sex with my then-husband because I was reading a book of essays by sex workers and the treatment they described from me was so horrible, I started to feel like all men were rapists and abusers in disguise. This did not affect my marriage very positively, as you can imagine.
If it's related to something in the past, then maybe you need to work through those feelings. If it's not, write down any "red flags" you have seen that might indicate violent behavior from him. If there aren't any, remind yourself of that every time you start to get frightened. Remind yourself that the vast majority of people - men and women, are not violent. Find something else specific that you can do when you start to obsess. Give yourself something to replace the thought with or an activity, a book to read, show to watch, song to sing, anything that will distract your mind.
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Thank you very much for replying. My father has always been violent, verbally and only slightly physically. My uncles and male cousins despise women, and I have grown up in an environment where women are despised and called 'sl*ts' etc. There were very disgusting jokes always. I have never felt comfortable around men. When I am in a waiting room and I hear an older man breathing loudly next to me, I get anxious and panic for no apparent reason. I have always been scared of going to my friend's house because sometimes their fathers were there. So my brain told me that their father was going to abuse me sexually because that's all men want to do.
On the other side, my boyfriend is a caring guy. He listens, understands. He often gets upset when he sees violence against women and says he hates it. He brings me flowers.
But in my disturbed mind, I tell myself that he is just playing the nice guy so that he can trap me and kill me and torture me physically. I tell myself he brings me flowers and gifts like bracelets and rings because he wants to manipulate me. Because in my brain, all men are bad and want to harm women.
I am trying to keep my mind busy but it is hard. The worst scenarios play and replayed in my head, making me crazy.