1. Mental illness is certainly heriditary. You have indicated you have Borderline Personality Disorder. Your description of your mother sounds very much like she has BP or BPD as well.

2. I wonder if the issue might be jealousy? That she is perhaps living vicariously through you and when you make a decsion she wouldn't it throws her a curve ball. And that maybe your successes are a reminder of her failures?

I am reminded a lot of my own mother. She too never accepted my life, I could never do anything right, and was incredibly hurtful my whole life. She went to her grave having never told me she was happy for me, accepted me, or was proud of me. If my mother was still alive, I would ask her what did she want from me? In what way or how was something missing? How come she never accepted me? And then I would ask her the million dollar question? What did she want? I would have told her I could do some of those things and perhaps try others, but that I couldn't be that person - could she love me all the same.