TW means trigger warning, am I correct?

Hello, and good evening to you sinking.

Please let me introduce myself a little bit, I have never helped anyone with substance addiction, or any other addictions, I don't know what AA does to help alcoholics, and I don't have a special knowledge from anyone including internet for this matter. No one close to me ever helped me with my addiction, what I will write here are just my own words.

I'm quite new to this part of forum, I myself has been doing what other people may think I shouldn't do. It is a habit and not a habit, it may be an addiction and may not. This is where I stand when I look into the matter in my own situation.

I relate to some of the temptation you listed, why you do it, how you do it, what leads to it, which I think are all personal, only your mind sees what is happening to you.

I am thinking now what sort of deal you've made with yourself about what you're trying so hard not to do. I was gonna put this in another thread but I saw yours first, really wanted to check on you.

I myself might've made a deal with devil, I can not be certain what this brings about. That's all I'm gonna share here with you for now. You have lived 10+ years with SHing, I assume that is part of your life and a long struggle you hope to eliminate from your life.

Life, life of an addict anywhere in the world. Addiction. I was thinking about this all day today, that is what I'd really like to share with you. That was a lot of thinking, I'll try to make it shorter if I can.

Addiction seems to me, especially nowadays, is a popular label that is slapped on whatever we do, we crave. I believe we use the word to make any addictions a bad things to do, the society's new rule are applied to everyone if we like it or not. People abuse the labels, sometimes they show us those new addictions as new scientific discoveries. What for?

Many of us, myself included has fought the addiction, we try to find, share the ways and means to get out of the habit, things get generalized, to help, with good intentions. I'm just a kind of person who looks away from those generalized ideas, I searched within myself yesterday and today, watching myself every step of the way.

Thinking about my general ideas of addiction helped me greatly to understand what was going with me, still is going on. "We(they) can't help themselves to do it." "Why do they do it? Because they are addicted to it." And the answers offered to us aren't that helpful, that is my view. In fact, I haven't even look at them, you probably have.

I searched in my own head for a clue. A clue to understand what I'm about to get myself into. I say this once, against my own good judgement perhaps, I did it, I needed to do it for a reason or two. Your life, my life, they are our own journey, we get to decide the direction.

Think of drug addicts for example, OD, what were they trying to achieve? Did they fail in their life?

Celebrities, I recall some of ODed cases, countless others on this planet, we have addicts who fought and beaten down to death. We never know what was going through their minds, we hear success stories and many more failures behind it. We can learn from them but not more so than within our own mind.

I like to talk about the reality, I define it myself and think about my life around the idea. For instances, think of meth heads, people with mental health issues, jobless, homeless, anyone on this planet could get addicted to something. Badly. I create the reality of my life as I perceive it and it's been changing all the time. Sometimes it surprises me in a bad way, I withstand it. I wanna lessons, from myself.

So that's one reality, the life as we see it and there's another, that we also create with our own minds, an escape. Some use illicit substances, legal drugs or some other means to spend time in that reality. My own, the both sides are looking as real as one another. I'm beginning to see other's in the same light.

If the reality of life for someone is a continuous hardship, painful struggles or unimaginable situations that could only be understood by the person(s) themselves, how could I help them?

The last statement is a tough question to answer for me. I say, they get to decide.

All we can help them with is to help them see.

That is the end of it and I wrote this not because you 'gave' it here, I was just doing the thinking just because, and I got your message. hope you get your strength back.

ETA: Just between u and me, I'm looking very closely to both of my reality, does that make sense?