I am pretty sure that I got my depression from my mom.
It feels like this doesn't belong to me. Usually I can handle things in my life, I feel fine, I can talk to people, I can be open and straight forward and have my own opinions.

Then my mother gets involved. A stupid conversation with her, and suddenly a very old despair hits again and 1000 emotions break free and I am this burdened confused and abused child again. It just sucks.

My mother makes me so sick sometimes. I love her, but it just hurts so be close to her. She is in denial about many things, she thinks she can handle everything alone, she pretends all the time, she has no self-worth and is so hard and defensive and always represses her true self. She has no close relationships and isolates herself. With people she is often unreal and plays a role. Then she is of the opinion that everyone should keep everything to themselves, crying in public is devilish (I am the worst because I cry pretty often), being emotional is an invasion of her personal space and wanting to have an honest talk is me abusing her, (even though it is the other way around IMO). It has always been like that and even worse. I could never talk to her and she never protected me, instead she made me feel guilty and the worst of it all, I think she never even realized any of this.

I don't want to cut her out of my life because I love her and sometimes things are okay between us. We even had some talks over the last couple years after I moved away and started to have my own life (I am 26). I just wonder how I can not feel so crappy and depressed when a conversation on the telephone goes in a hurtful direction again and the days or hours afterwards.

Can someone relate? How do you manage to feel better or how can one set a boundary here? I declare defeat for now