I feel like a complete moron. I have been into self harm off/on since I was a teen, but got it under control after getting on a combination of meds that seemed to keep me relatively sane. Until I got pregnant and couldn't take the meds.

Now, I'm under an IMMENSE amount of stress. Things got rlly intense and my emotional pain was too much for me... so I totally lost it, and decided to burn myself by heating up the metal part of a lighter and pressing it to my skin until it no longer burned. I didn't expect it to burn the way it did, but when you hurt SO bad, emotionally, the physical pain doesn't hurt.

The day after, the blisters were opened and NASTY. I couldn't BELIEVE the appearance they took on, they were MUCH deeper than I would have expected from such a little amount of pain. Panic started to sink in as I realized there is NO way I can explain these burns to a doctor w/o admitting how they got there, they are very obviously in the shape of a lighter... almost like several capital D's or A's. I started cleaning them twice a day, applying prescription strength burn cream I had leftover from a previous incident. I cleaned it w/bactine, applied the silver sulfate stuff, and covered with non-stick gauze. I have been wearing compression socks 24-7 since the beginning, and I try to elevate my legs above my heart as much as possible, at least an hr a day, total, but sometimes 2-3hrs. There is NO smell, the bandages have some slightly yellowish tint to them when I change them from seepage, very slight swelling

But what concerns me the MOST is that there is red around the burns that I *think* is extending over time. I know that's a sign of infection if it keeps spreading, but if it rlly IS getting more red it's doing it so slow u can barely tell. Other than THAT, there is no sign of infection. I check my temperature regularly, no fever. I can't imagine why it would get infected when I'm so on top of cleaning it and evn have top of the line creams. If I go to the dr, I am sure they'll consider me suicidal and have me committed. I can't have that, for SO many reasons, but mostly bcuz I don't want child protective services to get involved (I'm pregnant 7 months). I don't know what to do. I have leftover antibiotics... would those help?

Obviously this is a lesson learned, I need to get back on my meds, but I don't know how to explain these burns in a way that would keep me outta the looney bin. Is there something else I can do? Any other signs to look for that would give me a better idea if it was getting infected?