It has been a long time since I've posted here but I have no one else to turn to. Last Saturday, early morning, I was arrested with an OUI. Honestly I can't seem to figure out what the different between that is and a DUI. They didn't take away my license and I was able to get my car out of the impound but I find that I'm drinking to numb my emotions. Having bipolar and being unable to find a job even though I have a degree has been weighing down on me a lot. To be honest apparently everyone who I'm close to, my Aunt, boyfriend, everyone said I had be drinking a lot that day. Then at the close I got into a huge fight with the man I hope to one day marry. I drove about twenty miles because he wouldn't come to me and I was found one street over from his house passed out with no gas in the middle of the damn subdivision street. I don't remember much but I know I was put in jail for 12 hours. 12 hours of misery because the cell mate refused to share the bed with me. The cops barely came to see me and there was no clock so I had no idea what was going on. To this day I have no idea what happened or what made me drive there. I'm not stupid so I would've have done it without some type of reason, well some type of chemical reaction. An entire bottle of pills I take was gone and I don't know how that happened. They took my blood and I haven't heard anything yet. I'm quite sure I did the whole field sobriety thing but I don't remember when I blew. I've been told it's a positive that I was only put in there for 12 hours and that they didn't take my license. Then again my license wasn't on me. It was in my other purse at home. My grandma paid for the impound to get my car out but my boyfriend is supposed to slowly pay her back for it. That makes me feel like ***. I have the best guy a girl like me could want and he's been there for me for so long, three years at the end of the month and through everything I've done. Everything I've put him through he's stuck it out with me. I don't know if I'll go to jail or if I just get off with some community service and fee. A lot of lawyers I've talked to have said this. They've also said that I should ask for a court appointed lawyer. Considering I can't afford anything. I'm not allowed to drive my car until I have insurance put back on it. That was one of the stipulations that my grandma came up with. I accept that but right now I feel worse than I ever have. I got into a huge fight with my Aunt, a huge fight with my boyfriend and all of this happened while my son was asleep. I'm going to change but at the moment I don't know how. I'm putting myself back into therapy and I'm going to do a show of good faith and get myself into AA or something like that. But my depression is just terrible. Sure first time offense but it should've have happened to begin with. I can't talk to anyone but no one understands and I've put so much pressure on my boyfriend I don'[t know if he can handle it anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone but I don't know where to start. No drinking, I get that but I'm not used to feeling my pain. My emotional pain. How do I handle this? I don't know what to say or do and I don't know how to make things better. I'm going to do what I have to because I deserve it but how do I manage knowing I could lose my son?